Infasco
Attn: Consumer requests
700 Ouellette St.
Marieville, QC
Canada J3M 1P6

May 22nd, 2001

Dear Sir or Madam:
I wrote you a letter over two months ago, and I have not received a reply. I am worried that the letter did not reach you. I was writing you about a possible sponsorship from your company.

As I mentioned in my previous letter, I currently hold the world records in these three categories: Most Suspended Weight from an Olfactory Appendage (200 Kg's), Largest Foot (Size 12) in a Size 6 Shoe, and being an attendant at The World's Longest Lecture (24 hours).

These records have been a source of great pride to me, and have lead me to strive for the ultimate challenge; The World Record for the Most World Record's. To obtain this goal, I have had to add to my current list of world records. Which leads me to my letter to you...

I have focused my attention on a new category in the Guinness book. I have been able to get the approval from Guinness (for this new category) and I have been busy training for it. The category I am now attempting to win involves me shaving myself with the bolt of my choice.

I have started into this challenge with complete determination and extreme confidence. Using a Tantra-based meditation, I am able to resist any common-found pain. For my initial test trials, I have been using your Grade 5 Carriage bolts, fully threaded (Full body thread). The bolts I am using appear to be Coarse Thread and have had some negative effects. Instead of properly removing the hair follicles, it has been removing layers of my skin. This in turn, has caused my skin to scar over, and not allow any further hair growth.
From these trial tests, I have been able to deduce that I will need a fine thread carriage bolt from you. Preferably around one foot long, and three inches thick. The fine thread appears to have the 'sharpness' and closeness I will need to give myself a hassle-free shave.

I have looked around, and have been unable to attain a bolt of that size, and so I have come to your company directly. Possibly, your company may be interested in sponsoring me on my way to overcome this challenge. In the past, distinguished companies (Nike, Pine-sol, Smirnoff) have sponsored other athletes on their way to world records. Regardless of whether you wish to sponsor me, I wish to thank you for the assistance your bolts have already done me.

Please reply to me and let me know you have received my letter. If you do not wish to sponsor me, I will understand. I have heard that Infasco makes the best bolts around, and I look forward to shaving myself with them!

Sincerely Yours,

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