Dear PGC and the Inner Circle:


     I read recently that Bill Deeley, Phil’s handler, was retiring. Of course, I was immediately taken aback by this. Let me say he will truly be missed. I’ve always held admiration for his unmistakeable savvy, and his gentle care that he took handling Phil. Truly a fine gentleman all around.

     In the wake of these events, it caused me to do a great deal of thinking, and I would like to go ahead and offer my services as a potential new handler. I have been in the handling business for many years, and have handled everything from Cats & Dogs to rats and rabbits. Surely the handling of a groundhog would be fairly similar. And please, let me mention that I have quite a talent for it. I know that I can sway the shadow seeing either way, depending on what the Inner Circle decides for the year.

     If you want Phil to see his shadow, I can make that happen. If you want him to miss it completely, that too can be arranged. If there is one thing I’ve learned from handling rodents for years, it is that they like to be guided. I’ve got all sorts of baked goodies that can have them eating out of the palm of my hand. Which reminds me, what exactly do you guys put in your Groundhog punch? I’m very familiar with the animal culinary arts, and can whip up a mean batch of catnip and dogjolt. But I’ve never quite figured out what you would use for Groundhog Punch. I will assume if you don’t mention it in the reply that it is information only privy to the Inner Circle.

     Anyways, I would include my resume and credentials in this letter, but I wanted to touch base with you first. Please write back to me and give me your thoughts and maybe even a detailed layout of what it is you are looking for in a handler. I am more than prepared to move to Punxsutawney, if need be.

     Please write back to me and let me know you received this letter. Please reply as soon as possible to avoid my resending of this letter.

     Please reply as soon as possible to avoid my resending of this letter. Thank you for your time. That Bill Deeley... Again, truly a fine gentleman !!

In Anticipation of Your Reply,

Sincerely,

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